52 - From Stuck to Unstoppable with Derek Mills

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Digital Rapport Podcast, where you discover how to connect, influence and inspire in the digital age.

[00:00:14] What's the point of you going through what you're going through or what you have been through if you don't share that and the lessons from that so that somebody else can learn or that their path is a bit easier or that there's less hurdles for them or they can get out of the rut that they are in.

[00:00:41] Welcome everybody to another Digital Rapport Podcast and on today's episode I'm super excited to bring you an amazing speaker, dear friend Derek Mills and let me just share a bit about Derek. So Derek, fabulous guy, was born in Birmingham to Jamaican immigrants. He overcame stuttering at the age of 13 after his mother's passing.

[00:01:03] He's now a wealth management expert and coach to entrepreneurs and multimillionaires. He's an international keynote speaker on four continents. He's worked at FTSE 100 companies, business owners and global organizations. He's the author of the 10 Second Philosophy, which is by Hay House. He's an expert in the movie Think, which is based on Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

[00:01:28] And he's the founder of the Daily Standards, which is a unique approach which accelerates personal and business success. So Derek, firstly, welcome and thank you for taking the time out to do this podcast with me. Thank you. Thank you very much for having me. It's been a while. It's been a while. It's been a while, definitely. And like with these podcasts, the first question I usually open up with is, what is rapport to you?

[00:01:51] Well, so rapport is something that I realized in many, many years ago as a child, even now that I think back, is something that I'm always taking part in. That kind of communication, one person to another, which was more than just the words we were saying.

[00:02:12] It was about for me and it is, it was then and it is now about how I can understand someone at a really, really deep level and connect with them at a really, really deep level, whilst at the same time maintaining my own integrity and sense of my true self. So rapport is around that real deep connection and understanding of another's presence, energy, intentions, even without the spoken word.

[00:02:41] You know, I've seen some of this in martial arts, you know, with Tai Chi and other things. I'm about to realize you've done a lot of that, haven't you? Yeah, that's right. That's right. Back from years ago. But we also see it in a business meeting. So, you know, it's around how do we connect with other people because there is always a connection. The question is, is it a zero or 0.1? On a scale of one to 10, is it a 10? And what does that mean?

[00:03:09] So the rapport is the connection and this is the understanding of the other person. So in summary, it's about connecting our connection with other people and our ability to understand them and their position and their feelings and their energy whilst retaining our own integrity. Yes. Yeah. No, no, fabulous.

[00:03:30] I mean, I want, I want you to, in line with that, I remember you did a talk at the mind body spirit show many, many years ago. And I was there, I was in the audience and you came on stage and you, you, when you, before you started the presentation, you deliberately started stuttering and create this pause. And I did feel excited to know your history at the time and you shared and I thought, what's going on? And then you snapped out of it and then shared your experience.

[00:04:00] And instantly there was like this connection with the audience. And I was blown away. I mean, share a bit about that. Like, you know, how did you evolve from that? Yeah. Because what I understand as a speaker is that it's about the audience. It's not about you. It's about the audience. And when you're in front of an audience or with an audience, there has to be some kind of intention. What's the purpose?

[00:04:26] It's like, you know, you don't use to go to the cinema and you see a movie and you come out, you don't hate it. You don't like it, but it does nothing for you. And someone asked you the next week, what it was all about. You'd go, I can't remember the plot or who started it. Yeah. Zero. So that you come out neutral, the same way you walked in. So if when I speak in front of an audience, it's about, there has to be a difference for you and me being in that room together. There has to be a positive benefit. Otherwise, what are we doing here? Yeah. A positive benefit.

[00:04:55] So I start from that perspective. And part of it is to have people using a metaphor, which all the stuttering is, whilst it was real in my life as a child, it's a metaphor to say, we're all stuck at times. We can all be stuck. And having trauma and in difficult places, but stuck. But if we can follow through on some core principles, we can become unstuck.

[00:05:25] So when I began my talk, I've done it in different stages around the world by stuttering people. People are feeling something for you, a discomfort that people have told me in the past. In some cases, feeling uncomfortable, feeling sorry for you, feeling empathy, because that's what I want my audience to know that I have that for you as well, which is why I'm here. I feel that for you. So what I'm going to do now is step away from that position and then start sharing about how do you come unstuck?

[00:05:54] If you were stuck, how do you become unstuck in your life, money, relationships, friendships, health, business, the whole thing. So it's really important to me to say, let's get some rapport here. And I was told many, many years ago, I don't know, blimey, 20 plus years ago, that a great way to get a rapport with someone is to tell a story.

[00:06:19] And because I know I go into stories, you know, when I watch a film, there's a story there. And the first scene grabs you, doesn't it? And if you see a trailer, it grabs you because to get into a story, you've got to have someone interested in the protagonist or the first early words they're sharing. So I also share that stuttering to get your attention, to say, you may have come for something. This guy's a professional speaker, speaks over the world.

[00:06:47] He was in front of me stuttering. Are you paying attention? No, I've got your attention. Where are we going with this? Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. No, definitely. Because, you know, you said that kind of uncomfortable feeling. I felt that when you did that originally. I kind of did that accidentally once where I was invited to have a little conversation with a small group of people. Yeah. And I was telling them that like, this is the first time I'm speaking. So if there's an awkward silence.

[00:07:19] Like that one. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And everyone just like, like connected with that. And that opened up. And it was accidental. So you got me and I already know you. Yeah. So no, that's fantastic. And then how are you then, you know, how are you using that adaptability when you're addressing audiences around the world? Because you've spoken in four different continents. So how did you adjust that approach to the audience that was there? Yeah.

[00:07:47] I think a funny thing that happened once was I spoken over the place now. And I remember I was speaking in Jakarta. I did two gigs in Indonesia, Jakarta, and then a few days in Bali. Bali was nice because they were one day speaking, four days in Bali. So, so I was in Jakarta and there was a translator. I've spoken up places like a million dollar round table where you can send them your script in advance.

[00:08:14] They've got the translators in the booths, people with their headphones on, but this wasn't one of those. It was a couple of thousand people that essentially spoke, didn't speak English in the main. So they had to my right on the set, about 10 feet away from me, a translator. And I just, to this day, I don't know how he translated. Right. Translated stuttering, but it did a good job because the audience just kind of looking at them.

[00:08:42] Just by looking at them, you kind of realize that they're like looking at me. They could hear me stuttering. He was trans, well, whatever he was doing, he was translating stuttering. And then they were concerned and then looking forward and seeing what would happen next. And then, you know, it doesn't last long. I let them off the hook. I stepped stage left to say, you know, that that's the way I used to be when I couldn't speak. And I was stuck. I wasn't just stuck with my speech. I was stuck emotionally. I was stuck mentally.

[00:09:11] I was stuck financially for many, many years. And I'm really here to share with you that no matter how you're stuck or for how long you're stuck, everything can change. Because when we change, everything can change for us. And that's how I begin. So it doesn't matter what the language is. People get stuttering, which is really, you know, I've found that so powerful.

[00:09:32] South Africa, India, America, obviously, but none of English countries as their main language. It didn't matter, JT, because they got it. And then with the translator or the headphones translation to the booths, everybody goes, yeah, I got that. OK, so if you this guy here, this is why I share all of my story warts and all the depression when I would cry when I broke down.

[00:09:58] All those things, because I'm thinking, I don't want to be a speaker that just speaks on the stage without giving my all. Because what I want for my audience is please somehow wake up and give your all in your life. So I'm going to give you all in my life. Now, this is where I started. Here's where God was humiliated. Here's where this person embarrassed me. Here's where I was broke. Here's when that house was repossessed. Here's when the bailiffs were in the house because I couldn't pay the council tax.

[00:10:27] So I need you to know we can all have those different stories and places where we're stuck. But we can become unstuck. Now we have rapport. So I'm not some speaker on a platform pontificating about how amazing I am and follow my ideas and I'm perfect noise, have been. That's the opposite of me. And that's why I do that. And that's why I share my stories. People say to me, I can't believe you shared that or that you said that. You're so open.

[00:10:54] I'm like, well, what's the point of me going through all that stuff? If years later, I don't share it so we can help somebody else. And I'll challenge anyone listening or watching this now to go, what's the point of you going through what you're going through or what you have been through? If you don't share that and the lessons from that so that somebody else can learn or that their path is a bit easier or that there's less hurdles for them or they can get out of the rut that they are in. Yeah. I don't really.

[00:11:24] It's a weird thing. I'm now realizing this, that it's not about me being a speaker. It's almost like a facilitator. Can I help you to become unstuck? Can I help you to see your potential and to be real? So to do that, we have to have rapport with people. We have to go where they are or get them to join us where we are. Yes. Now we're going on a journey together. Hmm. That's so powerful.

[00:11:48] That is because I remember you sharing that in the past as well about actually sharing your experience because that's like we can't really tell people to do anything. Right. But we can share our experience and our version of it and what we went through. And, you know, I remember in the past you sharing that as well. And I thought that's so profound and powerful because if you share your experience of something and your understanding of it, you're not now, you're not projecting. You're not, you know, you're putting your own rubbish out there, but you're just saying that's what happened to me.

[00:12:18] That, you know, that's what I learned from me. If it's useful, take it. And now we're martial arts fans. So we got that little Bruce Lee philosophy. Yeah, yeah. You know, take what's useful and discard what's not, right? So, yeah. Indeed. Yeah. And that's it, you know, so I remember that little scene in the film, you know, see the finger, you know, pointing to the stars, you know, focus on the finger and miss all the heavenly glory.

[00:12:41] You know, and oftentimes we focus on little things in our life, a goal that you need to hit that month, a financial number, you know, a target, because, you know, the goal, the world is primarily goal driven, especially in the business world. And you focus on that one thing. And you miss all the glory of the relationships and the love and the care and the time where you could have made a difference or had an amazing time with some because you sometimes for some people, as it was for me in the early days, you know, you miss the time with your loved ones. Mm-hmm.

[00:13:10] Because you're focused on the finger and you miss all the heavenly glory. Yeah, yeah. Wow. That's, that's a, that's an insight there in itself, right? And do you know what I'm like, fascinated about also is that, you know, I remember, I remember you sharing about how hard you were working and, you know, so, so focused on work.

[00:13:32] And you had a, you had a moment when your book came about where you were sitting in the office and I think the, the caretaker or something said, you're still here. Yeah. Like, do you want to share a bit about that? Because it's like, so, you know, how you've gone from there to like working with all these FTSE 100 companies kind of thing, yeah? Yeah. It is because, you know, we have to, I believe we have to share a story. I know that people do things in a different way, but this is my way of doing it because that's what comes up for me.

[00:13:59] So, yeah, so there's this time where, you know, almost 20 years ago now, when I look back, when I started speaking, it was like just six years ago. No, it's almost 20 years ago, where I was, you know, just paying the bills, had been broke, got myself out of debt. I was depressed. I didn't go for the diagnosis of the doctors, but, you know, you know when you know. And working all the hours, God sent me weekends, evenings, not seeing my family.

[00:14:29] You know, when I was in the office, I was always thinking, what's Jerry and my wife and the kids? What are they doing right now? And they're little kids. And when I was at home, JT, the tragedy was I wasn't present with them either. I was thinking, oh, what client and where can I get that business from them? And what do I need to do? When I need to drive tomorrow to try and convince someone to buy a product? You know, it's like a truck. I was trapped in that place. And that's why one night I was when it was about, you know, quarter to 10 in the evening.

[00:14:59] I was still at the old office where the security guard came in to lock up and I just said to him, you know, just give me 10 minutes. And then he walks away and I'm shuffling bits of paper. Who are cool tomorrow? Who can I, what do I need to drive to get someone to do a bit of business with someone just to earn cash flow? I wasn't even thinking profits. I was thinking just cash flow. So, um, shuffling around 10 minutes later, he came back and they said to me, is it ready to go now? I said, just give me two more minutes.

[00:15:27] And he just looked at me and I was kind of, you know, approaching 10 o'clock and he said, uh, what time do you get in this morning? I just kind of said, well, um, eight o'clock, eight o'clock. And they just, you just wandered off to give me some more time. But in that moment, I stood there, I realized JT had got to the office at eight o'clock, but I've been up since about 6.30 or so on the road for around seven quarter past seven.

[00:15:52] And I've been doing this every day and missing my children when they were younger, when they were asleep in their beds and getting home right through the week when they're already gone to bed. And at weekends that I've been seeing clients or trying to see clients driving from Salisbury to Northumberland to Newcastle, Brighton, anywhere at all to see clients to get some business.

[00:16:13] And a Sunday, if you'd let me, and I was missing all that heavenly glory, the time with my kids and my wife, and I was depressed and I was just about, you know, balancing financially. And I realized in that moment, I had this kind of, this epiphany that you can describe is a sense of clarity that this is not my life. Because if you're living that kind of life, we need to recognize that this is not your life. It's an experience that you're going through, but this is not your life. And I realized that this isn't my life.

[00:16:43] I'm not meant to be doing this. And I said in that moment, many things came through me that was, you know, if I'm going to live just one more day on the planet, I'm going to do it as me. Because hitherto, I'd not be doing it as me. I've been listening to other people. Do this, do that. Set your goals. Do that. Try that plan. Try this program. Listen to that thing. And over all of that time, I was still depressed and broke, including Tony Robbins, including all that stuff I listened to. There I was still depressed and broke in my thirties.

[00:17:10] So I realized that, you know, that what I've been doing, setting all these goals, just since my twenties, yeah, hadn't worked out for me. That I was still broken and blessed. And I realized that that's going to change. What came out of me was a realization instead of having goals linked to the future and attaching my happiness to that future. I would be my authentic self today. I live by my truth today. And instead, set daily standards for how I would be today.

[00:17:40] What are the criteria I would not go beyond or go below? What are the rules I would live by? What are the qualities that I would accept in my life and would not accept in my life? What are the levels I would not go below or would not accept? What are the levels, qualities, rules, basis, criteria for my living? What came out? And I knew this was something because it came out so fast, but it was crystal clear. Even though there's lots of it, it was kind of just saying you need to be your authentic self and live from that space.

[00:18:11] And at the same time, instead of attaching your happiness to goals that you're not achieving. And the thought came to me, JT, is that if you attach your happiness to your goals, everybody does. I've asked on four continents, why do you set goals? And they say this, this, this, the weight, the money, the this, the that, the success, whatever. And you want those things so that you can be. And they say happy. Every continent, every language. So I say here's a problem then.

[00:18:35] Because if you attach your happiness to a goal, and most goals are not achieved, I don't care where you are, which country you live in, which language you speak. Most people, most parts of the world do not achieve most of their goals. That's sad. So if you attach your happiness to some point in the future when you've got the said thing, and you don't achieve the goal. Here's a question. What happens to the happiness that you reserve from today? No, no, no, Derek. Don't get me to be happy today.

[00:19:02] Not until I've got the second million, the first million, the, I've made my debts, I've got this weight, I've got that house, this promotion. Then I'll be happy. They won't tell you that in exact language, although one of the two actually do tell you that. But that's what they're really doing. So my realization in that moment was I've been trying to do this for so many years, and I've kept my happiness for the achievement of all this, and I've never achieved it. I've missed on all the happiness. So this, this philosophy that came out of me said, it's about being happy in this moment. Yeah.

[00:19:29] Being true to yourself in this moment is about having rapport with yourself in this moment. That's what I've realized. And that's the life that I changed. We can do the new blueprint for the whole of my life, my sense of being, and I dared, dared to be myself one day at a time. Wow. From that point, as in not a three year plan or 20 year goal. Forget that. I'm going to, what I'm realizing about my truth and living by my daily standards, I'm going to be that today.

[00:19:59] And God, if God gives me tomorrow, I'm going to be that for that day. And if he gives me the next day, I'll be for that day. And I'll stick at it long enough to see what would happen if I did. And that's why we're here because things happened. That still gives me goosebumps when I hear it, man. Seriously, when I've read that and then you spoke about it, and now you're sharing again, it just gives me goosebumps. Because I remember having a conversation with another friend and colleague, and we were talking about rapport.

[00:20:28] And he said that, he said, JT, everything in the universe is trying to be in rapport with each other. He said, even in this moment right now. And I remember you saying that as well. And I just, I thought, wow, it's like, you have to be in rapport with yourself. Right? Before you can then start to really go out and impact other people, isn't it? That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to be in rapport to yourself. It's like Emerson said, you know, to be true to thyself.

[00:20:56] Because if you can be true to yourself, then as surely as night follows day, you cannot be close to any man. Yeah. So, so being in rapport with yourself, it's about being in truth with yourself, being in truth with yourself. Because how on earth do you, if you meet another person, and they're living a complete lie of what they do, what they say, what they believe in, everything's a facade, it's not real. You might think you're in rapport with them, but clearly you're not, because that isn't them. Yeah. So it's the same thing for us.

[00:21:25] It's about being in rapport with ourselves. Now, I can be happy in the present time, because happiness is a present time experience. We can't be happy in the future. You can't be happy next week. You can't be here today and be happy next week. It's a present time experience. That's what happiness is. Wow. That's just fascinating. I mean, like, you know, with the stuff you shared so far, it's, I, I seem like a common, uh, or some emergence of certain things.

[00:21:55] Like, you know, earlier on, you spoke about intention and then, you know, being present is very, it's one of the biggest ones that comes out when it comes to building rapport. Like actually being here right now, you know, to connect and see the person in front of them without all of that imaginary illusion that's going on and stuff like that. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you've got it. I know because of the works that you do, but yeah. How do you get in rapport with someone if you're not present with them? Yes, exactly.

[00:22:25] Exactly. That's, that's a, a deep one there. Definitely. You know, um, that, so that's how your kind of daily standards, um, came about, uh, because you found that, that, that was the moment that, that kind of, let's talk, talk a bit about that because I think when I came across to think, oh, wow. Oh, they're doing daily stuff as opposed to goal setting. Uh, you know, goal setting doesn't work in that kind of concept. The daily stuff can work. Yeah. And it does work.

[00:22:55] Mm. It does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The big names and some of the small names, read the books like everybody else has read. And then realize that, yeah, that I had been setting these goals, but how do you get to 37, 38? Setting goals since you, since you, since you're 21 years old. And to be broken depressed. So now I'm going to say, oh, you didn't do it for very long. You didn't try.

[00:23:22] You know, it's like 17 years old must have been doing this. And, you know, how do you get to that place? Well, the answer is what maybe when you're in that place of authenticity, living from your truth, it's difficult to grow with external frames of reference. So maybe the frame of reference we need to have is an internal one of who are we really? When we set our standards for how we should be in our lives, then they should come from within, not from without. Yeah.

[00:23:52] If they come from within and not from without, they're real for you. If they come from within and not from without, they're better for the world that you occupy. They're better for your wife, children, brother, colleagues, clients, friends, dad. They're better for everyone around the world. When we are in that space of truth, our true self or authentic selves. So we set our standards from there. So I remember I did a talk for a property company. It was only one of their mastermind groups that they had.

[00:24:22] And one of the guys contacted me and they said, I've got my own team, Derek. Lots of people that follow me. Can you do a talk for us? In fact, it was like a webinar that he got online and I was the guest speaker on the webinar. And then he and I talked about this stuff and he got the book. But I don't think he read it properly. Yeah. So then he sent me an email. It was an email a few weeks later. So Derek, after your talk, got a bunch of people together. We set out, we set our standards. We wrote them all down.

[00:24:51] And, you know, and weeks later, people say to me, oh, I'm probably my standards on this. And it's not working out for me. And he said, how do you cope when you sleep? And I said, OK, what was your process? He said, we just, we led the group and we all agreed we'd have these standards. OK, so, so you led the group and you came up to share with people the standards that you should have in their lives and their business and their health and their welfare, the relationships, their money, et cetera, et cetera.

[00:25:20] And I said, that's not in the book. And that's not what I talk about. But I say, if you want to know the best, you know, the basis, criterion, level, qualities and rules for your life, you've got to go within. It's more of a, let's brainstorm these guys with what they were essentially doing. It's more of a, I need to meditate on this. For me. Yes.

[00:25:44] So when I ask myself, what are the best basis, criterion, levels, qualities and rules for my life in my personal health and fitness, in the environment that I'm in, in my relationships, in my family, in with my emotions, with my career, with my time and money. I need to go within for that stuff. I said, you need to go back to your group and tell them, here's what you need to do. And every one of you will have different standards.

[00:26:13] There is no like, we all do this. Okay. You can have corporate standards. There's a whole bunch of work that I've done since the book around corporate daily standards. But the idea is, is when you talk to individuals, these are individual entrepreneurs. It's really about doing, doing that piece and making sure that when you go within, you take some time. Like I had my first 10 second moment. It really was a bit of a contradiction here and accelerated, accelerated meditation.

[00:26:41] It's what it felt like, you know, like, Oh, I'm in this space. That's the things that come into me. I know I'm in this space. I know I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. What's coming up for me is my truth and some thoughts, some ideas, concepts. That's what came out of that space. At the same time, just as a side point, I seek to hold that space when I'm with a person. Wow. Because I also believe that I could be wrong.

[00:27:11] I'm not going to be one of those guys. I say this is a fact because, Hey, I wasn't, I wasn't there when the rules were made, you know, when they're really, but I just feel that. When we're in our true self space. In a, in a sense, it gives permission for those who are weak to also be in that space. It pulls them in, right? It pulls them in. Yeah. And you know, I've had people say to me, um, in, I'm talking about in wealth meetings, talking to a guy based his investments, his strategies, his portfolio, his tax mitigation scheme.

[00:27:39] But then they're saying, I really connect with this, you know, and I really feel that this is appropriate. You know what, Derek? And I've never shared this with anyone before. The guy might be 60 or 70, you know what you've, and sharing something because you, you hold a space for someone. If you've got children, when you're with them, you hold a space for them. And you hold that space for them.

[00:28:02] And then you hold that space for them in the hope and the prayer that they will be themselves, share with you, especially when they're young. And that's great. And it's easy to do when they're just little toddlers, but when they're hitting on teenagers and becoming teenagers, it's more difficult, but you just hold that space in faith that something inside of you connects with something inside of them. And then you've got that deeper rapport because that's what a lot of us need with our children a bit older.

[00:28:30] And I was learning that over time by sitting down with clients talking about their wealth and their trust we're creating all kinds of stuff. And I would hold the space for them. And they would share stuff with me, which was nothing to do with money, nothing to do with what you might think they wanted to talk about. And there was, and I realized, hold on a second. Could it be that everyone, absolutely everyone is looking for a space they can connect to? Wow.

[00:28:57] That maybe they came from something before they're even born and they recognize that when they see it in the world. Now, I know people are going to unpack that and maybe in a different way. What I'm saying is, what if we recognize this stuff before we're even born, that we know that connection of the oneness and that oneness, the true rapport is when we, in our life, our physical lives, as well.

[00:29:23] And so we, in our life, we are all, and that's the way that we're talking about. So we're teaching a game of basketball, whether it's walking through your tax position or a troubled teenager with their girl friends that have messed them around and let them down, wherever it might be, because I was thinking it must be that the connection I was getting with people is because they were seeking that connection unconsciously. And when they recognize this, they recognize it.

[00:29:53] Does that make sense? No, no, it does. It does. I think there's a lot of truth in that. I'll share a quick story. I went to an event where we were doing this exercise. We partnered up into threes and one person had to think of something they had done in the past and they had to stand and really be intentional in how they were at that moment in time. Yes. Then the person next to them, they had to try to mimic them. Yeah. So the idea was that this person was in that space.

[00:30:19] This person had to stand like them in the view that they're trying to pick up off them what they might be thinking and feeling. And then the third person was viewing them to make sure the person was standing accurately and things like that. And we're doing this exercise, right? And I stand there and I'm thinking, I'm seeing a sky. It's like parachuting. You did parachuting. Yeah. And the person's like, look at me, gives me a weird look. And I went, it's parachuting, isn't it? No, it's not. And I went, come on, man, it must be parachuting. Like what else could it be?

[00:30:47] And then that's all I kept on seeing was this blue sky kind of thing. And there's like, you know, and then afterwards I said, Oh, what is it? They said, it's not a parachute. It was skydiving. And, but exactly what you're saying. You know, exactly what you're saying. And then I came across something called mirror neurons, which apparently they are like, they allow us to understand what the other person is going through as well. I think Daniel Gorman did a lot of work on that. He's the guy behind emotion intelligence.

[00:31:17] And he did some work on mirror neurons. And he's saying that it's those parts of the brain fire off that allows you to understand the other person. So if you're watching a football match, everyone's getting happy. You're getting happy. So the mirror neurons allow you to understand that. Okay. So combining that with those two things from my understanding, right. And what you've just said as well, it's almost like we're, you know, getting into resonance with that person and able to pick up what's going on.

[00:31:40] So if your presence and your being present is so there, you're most likely going to pull people into that. Thank you. What he said. Because you know what, JT, what is that? What if that's true? And we didn't know. Yeah, because I believe that is true. And a lot of people don't know that.

[00:32:03] Because you know what, in my office, I've moved offices a few times, but I write on my flip chart, it's a few words. And it says, this is not a money because you know people know that I coach and I speak. But my core business is what management I look after, you know, funds for high net worth families. And so what I realized is this is the people business, although many people, including some new clients, I wanted to existing ones. They think it's a money business. Yeah.

[00:32:32] So at least the last 17 years when I realized this is not what I thought it was, I've had a flip chart. And I write on that flip chart. This is not a money business. This is a people business. And that's in my office. So whenever a new prospective client comes in, or one that's been a client of mine for 10, 15, 20 odd years, or someone that I'm coaching, or anyone at all that comes in, they see that. And I have it on my flip chart. And over the years, you know, the sun, it's a glass, many glass walls here.

[00:33:02] And when the sun fades, that writing, I write it on again. So last November, I wrote it again. So to remind myself and everyone around me that even when I'm in here talking about your wealth and your portfolios and your strategies and your tax mitigation, your global assets, whatever it might be, that this is about you, your partner, your husband, your wife, your children, it's about the people.

[00:33:29] The money is a thing, but it's not the everything. You are what this is all about. So this is actually, you know what, a lot of people can do things with money. A lot of people can advise you. You know, a lot of people are much smarter than me. A lot of people have lower fees than me, but it's not about any of that. But they're not me. I'm going to hold this space for you, but they're never going to even understand that they need to do that.

[00:33:52] What if we need to just hold the space for people to allow them to remember, to remember that which they came from, that oneness, which is part of everything. But this is a people thing, not a business thing, not a money thing. It's about people. We do the business. We keep that intellectual. We do the transaction. We look after the money. But we, the premise, the underpin of that, the foundation of all of that is it's a people thing.

[00:34:22] It's that connection. And what threads itself through that connection, what occupies the interspaces, what is we thought through that through every single atom is love, which is the basis of rapport for me. Yeah. Love. So when we hold that space, what are we holding? We're holding a space of love and connect and truth. And the other pin is love.

[00:34:47] When you hold that space, talk about someone's portfolio and hoping to understand their tax strategy and why age 70, I've been going to their fifth wealth manager. So they know if I take one as a client, you're not going to have a sixth wealth manager. I understand you to a level that no one else has prior to meeting me. I don't want to be another conversation with another wealth manager in the future saying, he didn't get me or we weren't doing this or this was working. This is it.

[00:35:15] If I take one as a client, no, until the good Lord calls you or me, you know, that's what we're going to do. Yeah. No, 100%. And I remember you sharing that once in the past when we were doing some work together on that. And that's what made me like think this is it. It's all about people. You know, it's all about people. Everything we do, if we don't, if we lose sight of that and we go, okay, we're part of material. So we're going to need material things. Right.

[00:35:41] But the thing that keeps us going is that connection, the people and the reason why we do things most of the time is because of that, isn't it? It's absolutely that. And how could it be about anything else? I know the world seems to be about other things. When we sit down, take a moment, create a space of truth in our own lives. How could it be about anything else other than love and people? I mean, how could you just wonder?

[00:36:11] Because, you know, I realized this will be back to France, isn't it for you? It's a bit, I can't. You just say this is not a money business. Oh, that's fine. It's right. Yeah, it's fine. You know, when you think I write it again. So, you know, the thing is we need to understand these things. Rapport. What is rapport? It's about being in your own truth. Yeah. Putting a space for yourself and being in rapport with yourself first.

[00:36:40] You can't be in rapport with that, which is not true. So you need to be true to yourself. As you hold that space of your own truth, you literally and it's figuratively and literally give people permission to maybe be in their space when they're with you, which is why they go, we love being with you. We love spending time with you in this because they feel different when they're with JT. They feel differently. And then sometimes they can't articulate it and they say the words, but they feel it here

[00:37:08] and they feel it here and they know I'm going to keep coming back to JT for this or to Derek for this because I feel. And I kind of did some studies on my client a few years going to write about this in the book. It turned out that a lot of my clients, at the point of writing my book, were very left brain people. I had a lot of accountants, former accountants, FDs, retired FDs, the CIOs, etc. I was thinking, I'm not left brain at all.

[00:37:37] Okay, I do the left brain stuff, but I'm creative shapes, emotionally, all that stuff. So part of me kind of, my hypothesis, is that the word? Hypothesis. Yeah. Hypothesis. That was the word. Yeah, thank you for that. My hypothesis was that maybe they've been too left and too worldly most of their lives,

[00:38:02] which is why it's 60 when they meet someone who is about something slightly different that allows them to be in that space to go, I recognize this and I want this. I've been missing this. How can it be that so many technical, really bright, far cleverer than me, mathematically, accounting, all that kind of stuff. When I connect with them, I connect with them at a really deep level. One guy number to me after a few, I think it's about three years. I was, he did reports for me.

[00:38:33] If I meet for him, he gave me his annual State of the Union address on his wealth and the positioning, what they were doing globally, all the rest of it. And I'd look at that and just go, wow. And I'd study it because I knew when we spoke on the phone, you know, that he'd asked me some questions. So I had to know all of it. I had to know all of it because I didn't know what he was going to ask me questions about on his report. And one year, after about three years, I'm going to guess about three years in, he sent me an email. So Derek, I'm so glad that I met you. I just thought that we really know each other.

[00:39:03] And he said, what did he say? Some phrase. We really know each other. Something like we really know each other. And I'm glad that we made this decision, something like that. That may not seem a lot for most people. For me, that's him swinging from completely left brain. Sorry, that's my left. Completely left brain, the other left. Yeah. Right through to the right and just going, I think we've got a connection. I'm happy with this. And then he stopped sending those reports.

[00:39:32] We just got together, him and his wife and I. Right. Because they knew that I knew them. Yes. I'm wondering how people are out there operating the world, thinking that it's not about connection, that it's not about rapport. And look, let's bring this up to date now and say that we've seen what's happened, you know, in the Middle East. We see what's happened in Africa. We see what's happened in Asia.

[00:39:59] We see what's happened in South America and Central America. And we're seeing all of these things happening. And what keeps coming back to me is that this is happening because people are forgetting the main thing. The main thing is that this is about love. Yeah. This is about love. The whole thing. No, you mean this, but no, no. The whole thing is about is about love. It's about doing it in love. It's about being love. It's about sharing love.

[00:40:28] So when I see things happening around the world. Yeah. Question I've been asking myself for the last few years, including when I did some pieces on Floyd George 2020 and other people like Elijah McClain. And I can ask myself a question. Where's the love in that? Mm hmm. Where is the love in that? Where's the love in that? Which kind of leads you on to what I wanted to share with you.

[00:40:58] I say exclusive because no one else. I haven't told anybody else in a platform is the book I'm working on right now. It's called Where's the Love in That? Oh, wow. Wow. That's a new insight. Drop. Bomb drop. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. I'm looking forward to that, Derek. Definitely. You know, I am conscious of your time and everything. And, you know, I want to carry on the conversation.

[00:41:24] I just want to quickly ask you about, if you don't mind, that you were in Think. That was based on Napoleon, his thinker and Grow Rich. Yeah. And, you know, that's like a digital media medium. And just share a little bit about that, how that came about quickly. Yeah. It's really simple. Yeah. I did a little part in a movie called Keeper of the Keys. I had three minutes, 34 seconds on screen. I think. Oh, yes. Yeah.

[00:41:48] And that was with John Gray, who did Men from Mars, Women from Venus, and Jack Canfield, everybody knows, for his soup. And so I did a little bit, did that film. And then five years later, like 2017, 2018, I get a call from the director of photography of that film that said he's now working with Napoleon Hill Foundation to do a film based on the book with Napoleon Hill Foundation.

[00:42:15] And he said, I remember what you talked about when you mentioned your daily standards. And if you've got goals, goals don't achieve goals. That your daily standards, how you be, how you are in your day, one day at a time, helps you to achieve their goals or makes you fail those goals. So you were talking about daily standards and you know that Think and Grow Rich is about achieving goals. But how should we believe that people need to hear about daily standards to help them to achieve their goals.

[00:42:44] So we're wondering, as we're making this movie, he was saying, he didn't even finish the question, Jay. I'm like, I mean, I'm like the guy from the, I'm like the Flash, you know. I mean, because I'm thinking, can you believe that when I was 21, that someone who's, when I was 21 years old and a chap gave me a book, Dennis Green, I mentioned, he's mentioned in my book. He gave me a book, said, read this. It was Think and Grow Rich.

[00:43:10] But before I get to 40, someone saying, would you tell your story and your principles in the movie of that book? So you can imagine, I was kind of mind, you know, kind of blown, but it was the honor to have you recognized by the Napoleon Foundation that what I had to say was adding value to those most impressive works. That's the story to me getting into Think and Grow Rich. Yeah. Wow. That's fascinating.

[00:43:39] And there's like, there's so much more I can ask you about, Derek. And I know you, you know, I'm curious. We'll do part two and three then. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And, you know, so, you know, any last words before we close off that you want to share about rapport and anything you want to share? Yeah, certainly for me, you know, when I looked at the concept of rapport, I remember going back to 20, must have been 2021.

[00:44:06] Yeah, because I was used to do the keynote at the British Veterinary Association for their annual conference. And you all know what happened. Therefore, I don't know if it was against the rules or was not advised or whatever it was. They started to do it virtually sort of real life. Yeah. And, and I did the presentation. I did it, you know, on Zoom. I think it was Zoom maybe in Teams. And I did it. And I can tell you, it's probably the most disconnected I've felt. Wow.

[00:44:35] In audience in a whole of my 10 year speaking career. But I just thought, I don't like this. And I'm sharing stuff. I'm like talking to the camera and as if there were an audience in the room, because I just felt it was very, very, wasn't real because I know when I'm in a room with people face to face. Yeah. Energy to energy, heart to heart, whatever you want to call that in that space with them, something magical happens. I get a sense of them. They get a sense of me.

[00:45:05] And it's like, what are we going to do here? What are we going to achieve? What are we going to learn and share whenever? And I like to have a laugh. I love laughing at myself. I've laughed at things that I shouldn't laugh at. And I realized over many years, that's because that's who I am and what I do. So, you know, so having a gig on one of my platform or on stage and doing all of that. And I felt I couldn't be that. I was just presenting my presentation to a screen, which is being recorded, but somebody else, whatever.

[00:45:33] And I just thought, no, a live audience is better. Yeah. So the thing that I'm doing, which again, it's so great to have this contact with you at this time to kind of this improved connection over the years, because I've been sharing this with my team recently that I kind of get a sense that I need to be out there a bit more than I've been.

[00:46:26] Mm hmm. I've got two interviews this week. I've got an article to write by tomorrow. Right. Words, which really is hard to write 200 words and it is 2000. Trust me. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was interviewed by the Finance and Banking Institute last week to get my message out there. So I just really want to say this is that get together with people. Yes. Yeah. Yes. You can meet in the virtual world.

[00:46:56] You can get to know me through the virtual world, but get together with people. Hold a space for them. Mm hmm. That connection, open that connection and see what comes through from that, for the betterment of that person's life. What you don't realize maybe also for the betterment of your life or another person's life or the world, you know? So that's what we have here. We have an opportunity to make things better in the world.

[00:47:24] And it starts with, if I can hold a space for this person. Yeah. Isn't like me. Doesn't look like me. Doesn't talk like me. Isn't the same gender. Isn't the same color. So lives in a different space, whatever. If I can hold a space for this complete stranger, then the reality of it is as you hold that space, you recognize that this person is not a stranger at all. This is me. Yeah. Wow. This person is part of the oneness.

[00:47:53] So when we forget that, that we've break down into into factions and groups and me and them and us and all the rest of it. Look, they've proved that we're connected. Yeah. And I know you like quantum physics as well. Yeah. And certainly that when we look at the experience that I've done with the, you know, the two particles, you know, with the entanglement, two particles across space, you know, from France

[00:48:19] to Switzerland under the, you know, sense of the European research nuclear or CERN. And they do something with one particle and the other particle responds. Yeah, that's right. That's right. That was the other way. And they've done this so many times that they recognize hold on a second. These particles that are separate are in fact connected. You can't see what that connection is. And as human beings, we may never understand fully the oneness or the space that we hold

[00:48:47] that binds us together, but it matters not. We don't understand it. It matters that it is what it is. It is there. Yeah. There. We need to utilize that gravity is there. And a baby doesn't, a baby doesn't know about gravity, but if it rolls off the couch, gravity will act upon it the same way acts upon you and I. So the principles of their, whether you know about them or not. So what if this is true? And you didn't know. I mean, it is true.

[00:49:16] And maybe some people don't know. So we need to open up and I'm going to play my part by getting, you know, kind of more out there and sharing this kind of message in your, because that's what we need to hear now. Yes. Coming out of America with, you know, who and other stuff and hating it past the world. If this is not the time to share about love and rapport, which is what leads to war isn't the time when is the time. So if we don't do it now, when will we do it?

[00:49:46] Yeah. Wow. When we get it. And Derek, if anyone wants to get in touch with you, what's the best thing for them to do? I just, just drop me an email at Derek at DerekMills.co.uk. Or you can just go to the dailystandard.com website and you can message through there. But, you know, yeah, Derek at DerekMills.co.uk. And let's see what happens. All right, Derek. On that note, thank you very much. And I hope everybody enjoyed it. And we'll catch up soon. Definitely.

[00:50:16] Yeah. Brilliant, mate. God bless you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to the Digital Rapport Podcast. Visit digital-rapport.com and discover how to connect, influence and inspire with ease and start making an impact today. Get tips and guidance on how to transform your expertise into a thriving online business through automation, digital products and services.